April 3, 2009

leaning on my Father's arms

This is one of those posts I just don't know how to start.
It is a sensitive topic so I will try to be as delicate as I can.

3 days go I took my children to AWANA and felt a tingling to almost fire hot pain in my bre@sts. It caught my attention because I though Bub had scratched me. The pain came off and on that evening. By the time I got home I was hurting so bad I could not get in jammies fast enough.

That is when I saw the 'bump' it was a swollen Montgomery gland on my left side almost front and center. I thought nothing of it and took some Motrin and went to bed. Yesterday the 'lump' was bigger and now pushing things out of place. The pain was constant even with meds. I started to ask around on my m/b what it could be. Most common answer was 'early pregnancy can do that to the Montgomery glands'.

Hmm, well...yes. There is a chance this month of *that* being the cause and I *am* waiting to test once officially 'late'. OK. Good enough. Forget about it!

Then it started to bleed. Not much...just pin pricks of blood oozing from 3 small holes in the 'lump'. Still not hot. Still no oozing pus to say infection. And the pain was going away. Hot bath time! The hot bath did nothing but make the 'lump' mad and swell bigger and bleed again.

So this morning when I woke up at 3 am from pain, after waking every hour before that, I knew it was time to call the Dr.

I got into the Dr this morning...another story in itself! Dr did a bre@st exam and a through history. He agreed it was strange for the 'lump' to come up so fast. It wasn't presenting like an infection. It is sorta presenting like bre@st cancer BUT it is not attached to the tissue underneath so cancer is not as likely. Of course hearing that I am officially 'late' today the Dr agreed it could be an early pregnancy and ordered a wee test. It was negative and I am upset because that would be the least concerning option at this point.

I have a reversal surgery/PAP appointment on April 30 with Dr F and so today's Dr is like "well, take this antibiotic and if it is not better by then Dr F will need to do a mammogram/ultrasound to rule out cancer. Have a nice day."

WHAT! Just like that? "You could have cancer or it could be something else. Wait it out."
I was bawling as I called Hubby and told him. I said something nasty to him as well. Great. I am tired. I am queasy. I have a headache. I have been like this a week without snapping at people and now I jump Hubby's case. sigh

So I am waiting.
I am trying to learn patience.
I am learning to function on little sleep which is hard...I *like* sleep!
I am trusting God even more than ever.
I am leaning on the Everlasting arms.

Only He knows the outcome this will have.

If it is cancer then I praise the Lord we got health insurance started last Friday so it is COVERED. If it is cancer then I will strive to show His mercies and glories as I fight it. And even if I 'lose' that fight I still win because of His GRACE allowing me the hope of eternal life!

If it is 'just an infection' is can be treated! If it is a baby, Hubby has told me he would be happy to welcome home a new bundle of joy. The Lord has worked on his heart and opened it to the idea. Not saying we are 'trying' just open to the thought. The Lord has blessed us greatly this year with finances and for the first time we are not struggling to get by. PRAISE THE LORD!

I ask for prayers for healing and for patience as we wait this out.
The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want :)

1 comment:

  1. The more I hear about it, the more it sounds like a fibroid! Mine do the exact same thing when they come up! I'm waiting until 10 to call, just in case your actually finally sleeping.

    God is good, ALL the time!!


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Words of Faith

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:27

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