February 12, 2010

precious memories

how they linger
how they ever haunt my soul...

I am finally at a place where I can post about my ectopic pregnancy. All I have are memories and a few photographs. My surgery scars are already faded. Of course the DR used my reversal scar for one hole and my belly button for the other but this has healed faster than any surgery I had before. Anyways, not much left to remember a life taken too soon.

As my friends know I have an addiction to pregnancy tests...specifically peeing on them then ripping them apart in hopes to see some micro faint line...because I am using them usually way too soon. "Hi, I'm Mrs T and I am a POASaholic." *waving*

I tested the night of Jan 19 or 11dpo according to my chart and was very surprised to get a BIG FAT POSITIVE that I didn't have to rip apart the test to see. I was up all night just so happy that I cried and praised God until I finally fell asleep. I attacked Mr T that morning as he prepared for work and told him and we rejoiced together. Over the next week I tested with various tests hoping and praying the lines would be darker and the magical "pregnant" would appear on the digital test. I had good symptoms and so I was not too worried that this wasn't a "keeper".
I had my first blood work up done on Wednesday Jan 20 and the numbers were a bit troubling. My hcg was 16 and progesterone was 11. My midwives worried over the low numbers but I wasn't worried. I saw an OBGYN and was reassured my numbers were still ok it was just early.

By the next Sunday I was hurting. The pain was dull like a strained muscle deep in my left hip. I texted my midwives, friends and my reversal sisters for reassurance and took it easy. Then in church my back popped and the pain was gone so I wrote it all off as a bone out of place and moved on.

The pain came back the next Saturday and was so bad by that night Hubby took me to the ER. I was given an ultrasound but at 5wks no one expected to see anything one way or the other. I was admitted and stayed for 24 hrs so my hcg and blood count could be watched. When I was released the pain was almost gone, my hcg was 1354, and my blood count steady so the DR was cautiously optimistic. I was told to get another blood draw and ultrasound that week to follow up and see him if needed.

I had my lab work on Tuesday and the ultrasound Wednesday morning Feb 3rd. Hubby stayed home from work to take me as I don't drive in Dallas and for moral support. We were so excited to see our baby for the first time! After what seemed like forever the tech doing the scan could not find the baby in the uterus. As she was about to give up thinking it still too early she saw it. A tiny mass on my left side with a small pulsing heart beat.

I was devastated.

She took many photos and had me go get Hubby who was in the waiting room with the kids. We were given a report and a call was made to the DR. The tech hugged me and I cried as she said "No charge today."

We stopped for lunch but I couldn't eat. I couldn't stop crying. My heart was breaking. We got home and Hubby told our children what was going on and we waited for the DR's call. The call came at 2pm so we dropped off the children with Hubby's boss who is also a good friend. At the Dr's office the OBGYN did another u/s just to be sure. "No charge for this one" he said and then he explained the surgery, the costs and how he would cut it to bare minimum, and my follow up care. He admitted me straight from his office to the hospital so we would not have to pay that night.

I was not an "emergency case" so I had to wait my turn for OR. A friend came and sat with us and our Pastor and his wife came and prayed. Pastor helped to ease my heart ache that I was choosing to end a life that had a heartbeat. "It is not a moral sin," he said over and over. No matter what the baby would die by surgery or my tube rupturing in which case I could die too.

The Dr cried with us. The OR nurses held my hand and prayed with me with tears in their eyes. God was there every moment and every step. We were truly blessed even through the heart break.

Surgery was easy and I was home just a few hours after. The DR was able to save my tube and he left it open to avoid adding more scar tissue. That ended up causing some female issues and more pain landing us in the ER again days later. The DR said that he will do an HSG (dye test) in 3 mo. He said of course another ectopic pregnancy could happen but this pregnancy and surgery could have opened everything up for a normal pregnancy. Only God knows. We have not made decisions on future fertility but do know nothing permanent will be done.

So that is it. All I have left is a few pictures of peed on HPTs and a grainy ultrasound pic. 25 DPO is all the time I had with that little one on this earth. I can't wait to get to heaven and spend an eternity with all my babies and my Savior!

2 Samuel 12 (King James Version)

 22And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?
 23But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.

Snow play day

My southern raised children are not sure what to make of all this cold, wet, white stuff.


When Bub finally woke up and went out he was so not impressed by the snow.

I had to teach the girls how to build a proper snowman. It is harder to explain snowman making than it is to do. I am still on activity restriction or I would have been right in the thick of it with them!

They worked

and worked




Finally after freezing their tushes for a half hour we had a small snowman. It is the first one they have ever made.

Record breaking snow day

 Yesterday we woke up to snow falling fast, thick and furious.

Hubby snapped this on his way from work.


View from our front porch this morning

Our street

Our home and trees

My poor weeping willow is breaking under the weight

The playhouse

Wish the Jeep was fixed. it would be a blast to go for a ride today

The side yard

The bird bath and my crepe myrtles

The National Weather Service has issued its official snow total for Thursday, as measured at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport reporting station: 11.2 inches. It eclipses the previous 24-hour snowfall record by 3.7 inches.  So far this season, we've received a total of 14.4 inches, the third-highest winter total for North Texas since records have been kept.  WFAA

Greatest all-time calendar day snow on record set at DFW. The old record is 7.8 in set on 1-15-64 and 1-14-17. Record 24-hour snow for Feb, Record daily maximum snowfall for Feb 11th Through 7 PM DFW Airport recorded 7.9 in of snow. also breaks the record 24-hr snowfall for Feb which was 7.5 in. set 2-17-78 and 1-25-2...4. Obviously this shatters record daily max snowfall for Feb 11th of 1.4 in set in 1988.

February 11, 2010

26th Home School Book Fair

May 7 and 8, 2010
 Arlington Convention Center, Arlington, TX

Featured Speakers 2010
These are the speakers for the General Workshops at the 2010 Home School Book Fair. 

Ken Ham
Answers in Genesis
Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis (AiG) and the high-tech Creation Museum 
near the Cincinnati Airport, is one of the most in-demand Christian speakers in North America. 
A native Australian now residing near Cincinnati, Ken is the author of many books on Genesis, 
the accuracy and authority of the Bible, dinosaurs, and the destructive fruits of evolutionary 
thinking. He makes frequent guest appearances on Fox, CNN, ABC and BBC radio and TV to
name a few. Ken hosts the daily radio program, “Answers … with Ken Ham,” 
heard on more than 800 stations in America and is one of the editors and 
contributing authors for AiG’s Answers magazine. www.answersingenesis.org

Tim and Lyndsay Lambert
Texas Home School Coalition

Tim Lambert, president of the Texas Home School Coalition, and his wife Lyndsay, 

have been leaders in the Texas home school movement for more than twenty years. 
They began as local home school leaders in the Lubbock area before Tim assumed 
leadership of the Texas Home School Coalition in 1990. They travel tirelessly around 
the state, encouraging home school families and training support group leaders. Tim 
also lobbies in Austin, having built strong working relationships with Texas state 
legislators and governmental agencies so as to protect the rights of parents to home 
school their children. The Lamberts have four grown children (including twins) 
whom they home schooled. www.thsc.org

Zan Tyler
Apologia Educational Ministries
Zan Tyler and her husband Joe homeschooled each of their three children from kindergarten 
through high school, for a total of 21 years. In 1990 they founded the South Carolina 
Association of Independent Home Schools, Zan serving as its president for the first 
10 years. When Zan began homeschooling in 1984, she was threatened with jail by 
South Carolina authorities. Since that time, Zan has been a tireless advocate, lobbyist, 
political strategist, and media spokesperson for homeschooling. In 1987 she was honored as 
the South Carolina Homemaker of the Year. It is her heart's desire to encourage women in the 
area of marriage and motherhood as well. www.apologia.com

Rosie Watson
Center for Home Education
Rosie Watson is a homeschool mother of 3 now grown kids and has been teaching for 
over 20 years. As a featured convention speaker, author and teacher Rosie brings to the 
homeschool community a wealth of knowledge and experience. She is the Texas 
representative for Total Language Plus, a literature-based language arts program, and is the 
author of the writing program, "The Wonder of Words." In 2004 Rosie, and her husband Steve,
answered God's call to birth Creative Arts in Action, a homeschool Learning Center with a
curriculum store and coffee house. CAIA, has become a haven for many homeschool familles,
it is a place where children, and their parents, can learn and grow in every aspect of life.

Todd Wilson
Familyman Ministries
Todd Wilson, author, speaker, and former pastor is the founder of Familyman Ministries. His 
passion is to remind dads and moms of what's most important through a weekly e-mail for 
dads, seminars, and books of encouragement, such as Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe, Help! 
I'm Married to a Homeschooling Mom and the Official Book of Homeschooling Cartoons
Todd's humor and gut honesty have made him a favorite speaker across the country and a 
guest on Focus on the Family. Together with wife Debbie, they homeschool their eight children 
(almost nine) in as they travel around America in the Familyman Mobile.
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Words of Faith

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:27

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5