December 3, 2009
another loss
We were thrilled to find out we were expecting the Friday after Thanksgiving. I was officially "late" and the test was positive. I had good symptoms and it was so hard to keep it from family but we wanted to confirm with the midwives before we made announcements. We came home from Oklahoma on Saturday and Sunday I just didn't feel right. I took another test and it was BFN. I blew it off that I did not "hold it" long enough. On Monday the test was totally stark and I knew. The end came early Tuesday morning.
It is so hard to not think God is punishing me for having my tubes tied 4 yrs ago. Or to blame myself for causing the damage that now seems to keep the promise of new life from happening. My heart hurts. I don't understand. I keep crying to my Father and trying to hold fast to Him. I know I must be ment to learn something from this. Right now it is just pain and confusion...things not of the Lord.
Would really appreciate your prayers
It is so hard to not think God is punishing me for having my tubes tied 4 yrs ago. Or to blame myself for causing the damage that now seems to keep the promise of new life from happening. My heart hurts. I don't understand. I keep crying to my Father and trying to hold fast to Him. I know I must be ment to learn something from this. Right now it is just pain and confusion...things not of the Lord.
Would really appreciate your prayers
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