June 10, 2011

a vent

I saw my OBGYN last week for a follow up of round 4 of clomid. He had increased it this month to 100 (from 50) because I didn't have any ov symptoms last cycle. I reacted again to the clomid! First time since the first month I took it. He said it is too dangerous to try using it again and he has nothing left to offer me. I was dimissed as a patient (minus female well care which my mw does) He told me to find an RE and do daily hormone testing to see just where my hormones are each day and get treated that way. He thought it could be my thyroid and to ask my Endocrine Dr about it since I had an appt with him later that day. I asked the other dr and he said his tests "all came back normal and there is nothing to be done" though he did admit my thyroid levels are "a bit on the adjustable side" (?) and if I agree to biopsy the lumps in my neck (which I heard can spread cancer if that is what it is) he might think about putting me on thyroid meds. oh and my OBGYN gave us the odds of having more babies as "slim to none" but he added he said that before and ladies came back pg so don't listen to him.

UH HELLO! that is a hurtful painful thing to say and then blow off!

I called around for an RE and can't get in to talk *TALK!* to one for under $400! And thatt is just a 15-30 minute visit. I asked about the cost of cycle monitoring and it STARTS at $800 and if we want that they ONLY do it for IVF/IUI patients. The nurse said my OBGYN took me as far as I can go if I am not wanting "medical intervention".

I called around to get another Endo dr and they cost about as much as the RE and will not take my tests/labs my dr did because they are 8 mo old and they won't accept over 6 mo old.

I am so sad. I barely sleep. I can't loose weight, My neck hurts. My hair is falling out. I know something is wrong but drs say I am ok because my labs are "normal" and "everyone gets lumps on their thyroid and most are not cancer" so hurry up and wait and see

and to make things worse clomid raised my progesterone to high pg #s and so I *FEEL* pg but the test says "NO"

I have lost so many friends because we want me healthy and more babies.

I am tired of being told I am not good enough, don't have enough faith, just get dh and I drunk and it will happen, forget it and I will get well/pg, I'm almost 35 and God is "sparing me from a deformed baby", or just accept that I did this to myself (TL) and I must pay the Piper for messing with my body. They add the thyroid issue to the TL because it is all hormone related in their minds.

sorry for the vent
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"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

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