June 10, 2011

a vent

I saw my OBGYN last week for a follow up of round 4 of clomid. He had increased it this month to 100 (from 50) because I didn't have any ov symptoms last cycle. I reacted again to the clomid! First time since the first month I took it. He said it is too dangerous to try using it again and he has nothing left to offer me. I was dimissed as a patient (minus female well care which my mw does) He told me to find an RE and do daily hormone testing to see just where my hormones are each day and get treated that way. He thought it could be my thyroid and to ask my Endocrine Dr about it since I had an appt with him later that day. I asked the other dr and he said his tests "all came back normal and there is nothing to be done" though he did admit my thyroid levels are "a bit on the adjustable side" (?) and if I agree to biopsy the lumps in my neck (which I heard can spread cancer if that is what it is) he might think about putting me on thyroid meds. oh and my OBGYN gave us the odds of having more babies as "slim to none" but he added he said that before and ladies came back pg so don't listen to him.

UH HELLO! that is a hurtful painful thing to say and then blow off!

I called around for an RE and can't get in to talk *TALK!* to one for under $400! And thatt is just a 15-30 minute visit. I asked about the cost of cycle monitoring and it STARTS at $800 and if we want that they ONLY do it for IVF/IUI patients. The nurse said my OBGYN took me as far as I can go if I am not wanting "medical intervention".

I called around to get another Endo dr and they cost about as much as the RE and will not take my tests/labs my dr did because they are 8 mo old and they won't accept over 6 mo old.

I am so sad. I barely sleep. I can't loose weight, My neck hurts. My hair is falling out. I know something is wrong but drs say I am ok because my labs are "normal" and "everyone gets lumps on their thyroid and most are not cancer" so hurry up and wait and see

and to make things worse clomid raised my progesterone to high pg #s and so I *FEEL* pg but the test says "NO"

I have lost so many friends because we want me healthy and more babies.

I am tired of being told I am not good enough, don't have enough faith, just get dh and I drunk and it will happen, forget it and I will get well/pg, I'm almost 35 and God is "sparing me from a deformed baby", or just accept that I did this to myself (TL) and I must pay the Piper for messing with my body. They add the thyroid issue to the TL because it is all hormone related in their minds.

sorry for the vent


  1. I am so sorry :( I hope you find the answer.

  2. I know how much pain you are feeling. I am also on facebook with you in the ptls group.

    Here's what I can tell you...I have had two children over the age of 35. One at 37 and one at 39 they are my third and fourth children. They are perfectly healthy. Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot have a healthy babies over 35 because it simply isn't true. Unfortunately, after my 4th is when I had the TL. After the reversal, (I was 40 1/2) I was told that my FSH level was slightly elevated, my antral folicle count was low (6 instead of 20) and my thyroid levels were poor. So, basically I was told to forget about more children. It just wasn't going to happen.

    But, a friend told me to pray "Your Will, not mine, Oh Lord." So whenever I had a discouraging thought or someone said something stupid, I would repeat my prayer.

    In April we conceived our 5th child. I would like to tell you that things worked out, but last wednesday I lost the baby. It was only the 7 week mark, but I am sure you understand that to me it was still my baby. I didn't post anything on facebook because I didn't want to hear about how "at least" I had a bfp, "at least" it was early, or that I am lucky to have the four children I have. I know I am lucky for what I have, but I wanted and longed for the 5th as well. It has been hard, and as you can imagine there have been a lot of tears these past few days.

    Please don't let anyone make you believe that you somehow do not deserve another child, or that you are not good enough or unworthy because of the past tl. Your faithfulness is not what is keeping you from conceiving, for God knows what is in your heart and is preparing it for you. It is not us who hold God, but God who holds us.

    Blessings to you, your day will come. Just work on being as healthy as you can. :)


  3. thank you ladies!
    I would have posted earlier but blogger won't let me comment most of the time,

    I am moving forward and doing things I couldn't do if we were expecting. There are so many things like painting and trips alone with Hubby and water parks with kids... !!!


I love comments and feedback :)
it makes me feel HAPPY!
I do not like SPAM so don't waste your's or my time :(

Pin It


This widget will be deleted SOON. please see new followers button ABOVE

Words of Faith

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:27

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5