January 24, 2010

just might get to be a Daddy again

I am sitting here at 1am on January 20, 2010 shaking so hard I can barely type but I must get this down!

Sunday I knew something was up when I bawled my way through church. Big tears...nonstop  happy tears. I was overwhelmed by the Spirit as I sang and just let them fall as I praised my God. I had been queasy with acid for a day or so and my favorite foods and beloved Cola made me ill. I poas Jan 19 and 18th and it was BFN. Today I took the test out, I know I know, and there was 2 faint BFPs on 2 different types of tests. "EVAP" I declared.

So Tuesday night I settled into bed with the movie "The Velveteen Rabbit" and bawl my way through. I am not a weepy person so I was like "hmmm??" And the urge to poas again was STRONG so I did. Within 30 seconds there was a faint BFP on the Answer Early! I am STUNNED! OVER JOYED! BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!

Sunday night Hubby and I were having a chat about giving our fertility to God (Hubby gave God control just weeks after my surgery and *I* thought I had too). I told him the sermon that day (Daniel ch 4) was very convicting for me. I realized I had not given everything to God. *I* had controlled each pregnancy. Yes, HE opened my womb but I made sure to do everything in *MY* power to fill it. Then *I* had made sure *I* closed it with ligation.  Even now 10 mo 4 wks post-op from my reversal *I* was still thinking..."if I chart", "if I take vitex" "if I use the progesterone cream" then *I* can speed things up cause God is not on my time table. OUCH. Repent I did. 2+ hours in the car talking to Hubby as I confessed and repented of my foolish pride.


So hear I sit. The only one up in the house. The test laying on the piano in front of me. So happy I can't stop shaking! So scared at the same time because I know what loss is.  I am going to go praise my Father and Creator of ALL Life now.

I had to get this all out so I will REMEMBER.

Not *I* but *GOD*

6 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you! I know how wanted this baby is and I am rejoicing with you! Many prayers for a happy and healthy pregnancy. ((hugs))

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  2. That's really wonderful news! Many prayers coming your way for an uneventful pregnancy!

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  3. We are praying!!!!

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  4. Im so very happy for you and your hubby! Many prayers for such a wonderful new life!
    Lord I pray you would bless your dear Childs body to help her baby with all the life giving necessities he or she needs...I pray that you will give her the strength to be patient while she waits for her ultrasound...we thank you Lord

    Lots of hugs!!!!

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  5. WOOOHOOOO!!! You KNOW I am doing the happy dance for you!!! Praise the LORD from whom all Blessing flow!! Your little bitty is growing, and you get to practice that other lesson that goes hand in hand with the one you discovered in your post... Patience :D 9 months to wait before holding your little bitty!! (((((Hugz)))

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Words of Faith

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

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