What is wrong with me!

It is almost holiday time....
I just can't get started. :(

I have some things for Thansgiving. We have the turkey in the freezer, some boxed stuffing and one visitor coming. I have been looking through a ton of cookbooks trying to come up with more options for dinner but nothing is catching my eye. It is hard to think of what, to me, should be a huge dinner with friends and family when our dinner (and all hoildays) is just me, hubby and the 3 children. Sometimes we have a visitor for the day but nothing like when I was growing up.

Hubby is missing his family something aweful. They are 2000 miles away and none of us have the time or money to visit. My mom comes but just for the day and usually she is just here for the dinner and a short visit.

I miss the old days.
I miss the huge meals that lasted hours because everyone was talking and laughing and sharing so much they were forgetting to eat! I miss the aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins and grandparents all gathering from far away to celebrate making it through another year. I miss my Granny's cooking. I was 12 when she died and I have very few memories of her but I can still smell her homemade pies. I miss Grampa's stories about the 'good ol'days' and playing harmonica while we kids screamed 'make the train sound!' and he would...and it sounded so real. Playing cards all night and snacking on anything that had not been put away yet. Could that have really been almost 20 yrs ago?! It still seems like yesterday.

I am crying now typing this.
I want my children to have that. I want those memories for them to have when they are grown. But family is far away or too busy in their own world to slow down and for a few days stop what they are doing and just be a FAMILY. A big extended loud happy family.

I almost hate this time of year. Christmas will be the same. Just a quick meal and visit and then it is over. Over before it started.

Time to try and make our own memories. This is my family. The 5 of us. Time for new traditions! Time to make this our time of year instead of living in the past. We are talking about going on a vacation instead of having Christmas. Maybe making a tradition of going somewhere for that week just to get away and relax. The thought of no tree in the living room window makes me sad. Can I give that up? I don't know.

Times are changing and I need to get with it.